The New Deja Vu
by JasperSaysCalmDown
Summary: Maybe in some other world Edward Cullen would tell me he never loved me. That I was just a distraction that never held any genuine meaning in his endless existence. Maybe in another world I'd beg him to stay. But this isn't that world.


**A/N: This is kind of a PWP type of story but I feel that, if given the right encouragement, it could go somewhere beautiful…or at least somewhere not completely hideous.**

**Disclaimer: Owning is such a strong word. So I don't use it. **

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><p><strong>Bang the Doldrums<strong>

"_I couldn't bring myself to call…except to call it quits."_- Bang the Doldrums by Fall Out Boy

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><p>I figure this shouldn't be as easy as I'm making it. It shouldn't be as simple as goodbye, but...<p>

_Goodbye_.

He's standing there, inches away from me, taking shallow breaths that he doesn't need. Close enough for me to reach out and touch, hold, cling to and never let go. But in this closeness he's never felt so far away.

Somehow, I thought this would hurt more. I tell him as much. He just smiles that crooked smile. The one that pulls his perfect pink lips up at the corners creating laugh lines that disappear instantly. But behind that smile there's regret and just a hint of longing.

We both saw it coming; both saw our love falling apart. I noticed the way he would act around her. Around Rosalie. I saw the way they would exchange deep glances under their shallow bickering. Bickering over my well-being. I heard their whispered conversations when they thought I was asleep or otherwise occupied. I am a lot of things; clumsy, awkward, incredibly nonathletic. But naive and blind...those are things I will never be.

I don't feel sorry for myself or for Edward or for Rose— definitely not for Rose. But for Emmett. Emmett with his big smile and even bigger heart. Emmett with his endearing teddy-bear hugs and inappropriate sex jokes and his childlike demeanor. Emmett is the one that deserves all the sympathy. Not Rosalie and Edward. Not me.

"We're leaving." He says. He speaks, finally. We'd been standing here for ages, dew settling over us like the clovers the cover the ground. I don't look at him, but past him rather. It seems like a waste of my energy to avert my eyes that extra four inches to the left.

"I know." I reply. I know. It's as obvious as milk is white and Edward knows this. He's only telling me because he feels obligated. Responsible. "You're not responsible for me anymore. You don't have to tell me these things. I'm an adult."

Edward's amber eyes fall for a fraction of a second. But a fraction is all I needed. All I needed to know that he feels something. That he isn't leaving this— leaving us— with no regrets.

"Bella, I will always love you no matter what happens and what distance is between us." His voice is still that honey smooth song that sets on my tongue and melts like toffee. But it's all a bit too bittersweet for my taste. It's all a bit too much.

"I wish I could say the same." I tell him and I don't stare past him into the foggy mess of greenery behind his statuesque figure. I let my chocolate orbs fall seamlessly, _fearlessly_ in line with his gold ones and I know that he knows I mean it. I know that he sees I no longer love him. I know that he is _hurt_.

I've never felt so good knowing that he hurts just as much as I do, immortal or no.

He doesn't say a word in objection just bows his head in recession, in defeat. Because in his head I'm sure this all went differently.

In his head, maybe in some alternate universe, this all played out with a little bit more drama and a little bit more tears for show.

Maybe in some other world Edward Cullen would tell me he never loved me. That I was just a distraction that never held any genuine meaning in his endless existence. Maybe in another world I'd beg him to stay. Maybe he'd tell me to forget about him, to go on living my life like he'd never existed. Maybe in that world I couldn't handle that. Maybe I ran after him as he disappeared forever and maybe that was all I could take. Maybe I died inside that day. In _that_ world.

But here in _this_ world, with Edward in front of me with his perfect copper head bent in shame, I'm the one who's disappearing forever. Here in this world, _he_ has to forget about _me_. This isn't his story to tell and my heart isn't his to break.

In this world, _my world_, I call the shots.

"Goodbye, Edward." I say, voice as empty as his would have been if the roles were reversed.

And then I turn my back and I'm gone. I don't look back, I don't even want to.

But I know he's still standing there watching me as I go. I bet I've never looked as good as do walking away from him forever.

I bet he hurts.

That's all that matters.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, I've been away for years now. I know I've got other stories that need to be finished. But I've lost touch with my old work and I need to read through it in full before I proceed in continuing it. That being said, I realize it is a really stupid idea to start a new story right now. But this is experimental and kind of a plot bunny that has been eating at the carrots of my brain for about eight months. In the midst of my bandom writing spree, I had fallen out of touch with my roots—Twilight fics! But I've also improved and grown over that time frame, so this is a new and enhanced JasperSaysCalmDown. So, sue me if you have to but I'm sorry for going M.I.A. for so long.<strong>

**I'm a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad girl. But if you review I'll be as sweet as honey.**

**You know you love me,**

**JSCD**


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